Thursday, 25 August 2011

The 8 Habits of Highly Miserable and Unhealthy People

"If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a terrible warning." - Catherine Aird

Don't you just love that quote? I thought I'd start off this article by making you laugh as laughter is still the best medicine.
I'm also certain that many of you when growing up heard the following phrase from one or both of your parents: "Do as I say, not as I do," right? I know I did and I believe it was a way for my mother to try and get me to not copy any of her bad habits or behaviors as she wanted a better life for me.

In this week's article, I want to pass along 8 ‘Don'ts" for you concerning managing your weight and overall health and well-being. 7 of these "Don'ts" came from Dr. Mitra Ray whom I heard speak at a International Juice Plus® Nutritional Conference with my added comments after the initial step. I can guarantee that if you follow them, you'll definitely end up being a very miserable unhealthy person!

1. Do not take tips from healthy people. If a healthy person tries to tell you about how they've gotten to be so healthy, do not take any advice from them. I mean, seriously, what do they know? They're only living their life full of zest and vitality which is something you can't possible want… or is it?
2. Do not move around very much. Sit on your butt as much as you can. Heaven forbid you use the stairs to reach your office. That's why they invented elevators and escalators for, right? And definitely don't walk to the corner store for a loaf of bread. Burn a half-gallon of gas, pollute the air and get zero exercise and take your car.
3. Do not drink any water. Stick to coffee, soda, and alcohol. Do not let precious water touch your lips and rehydrate your system. It doesn't matter that the human body is made up of over 60% water and that it's a vital ingredient to keeping your skin clear, brain sharp and your organs functioning properly. You can always get a few spare brain cells at your local convenience store when you've driven there to get your bread, right?
4. Do not sleep much and, of course, do not participate in any meditation, yoga, or self-hypnosis. Sleep is highly overrated, isn't it. I mean, seriously, if you can't function on 4 hours of zzz's and 8 large cups of coffee the next morning, then there's something wrong with you! Plus everyone knows that there's no truth to the rumor that practicing meditation or taking a yoga class can reduce high blood pressure and release stress from your over-taxed body. And that self-hypnosis thing? Yeah, right. It ‘might' work for some people who use it as a highly effective tool to lose weight or break a bad habit, but hey, you're not ‘some' people. You're special!

5. Do not take any time out for yourself - just burn yourself out as fast as you can. Hey, you only have 24 hours in a day so you might as well fill them up with as much activity as you can. Forget sleep - that's for those weak people who like to be clear-headed in the morning. Plus you have to work 10 hours a day; make sure your house is spotless in case someone drops by unannounced; throw dinner on the table at 6:00 pm; run Jane to soccer practice and drop Johnny off at hockey; oh, and there's 4 loads of laundry that need to be done before you go to bed, and… the list goes on. Make sure you cram as many things on your ‘To Do' list for one day and then try to get them all done in 24 hours. Good luck with that!
6. Keep all expensive bad habits such as alcohol use, cigarette use, and illegal drug use. Hey, you don't want to live much past 60 anyway, right? Or maybe you're in a race to see if you can kick the bucket before you're 50? Keep chugging down those martinis's and cases of beer like they were water (see # 3 on that substance!). While you're at it, make certain that you smoke at least a pack of unfiltered cigarettes a day - great stuff for your lungs. And if you're into illegal drugs to numb your system, way to go. If I were you I'd call my local funeral parlor and tell them you'll be seeing them really soon.
7. Do not eat fruits and vegetables. Hey, this step is way too easy. Just fill your plate with a mound of greasy food and ignore anything that contains natural vitamins and nutrients. And as far as snacks go, just grab a bag of potato chips or 4 or 5 cookies and you're all set. I'd definitely drop this one as it just makes too much sense.
8. Be critical of everybody who is trying to improve their life in any way. Pfft… who do they think they are anyway? Imagine! Cutting back on fats and red meat consumption… eating vegetables 3 times a day… and drinking a few extra glasses of water per day. Oh, and get this: they actually are meditating twice a day AND they're using self-hypnosis plus positive affirmation CDs to keep them motivated and on track! Ha! So, they'll live longer and they claim to feel better as well - big deal. Who wants to be like them anyhow? Nah, not me.
Or do I?
Food for thought.

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